My home life lately is an echo of surrealism. The house is too clean, to quiet and I feel nothing as if I’m walking through a dream. Either that or too loud and everything in me aching from negitive emotion, that is aimlessly dancing across my mind. I control it better now, because I understand it.
My grades take their emotional toal on me… but hey we all have our issues.
My life functions on extremism.
Lately I’ve been quiet an odd one. Daydreaming alot about falling in love. I have quiet an imagination as you know from Zion. I think in a way im getting less and less resistant. My wall is crumbling for no real reason. I wish i could like someone for longer than two weeks.
Short bursts of attraction do not equate to crushes or liking thank you. Liking for me will mean that I like their personality too. If I don’t than I simply will blame it on hormons. Hormons allways take my eyes to people that I don’t really like. Umm… God please let me like someone who is 1) attainable (not persay seminary subs) 2) has a beautiful personality. (not persay… actually that nocks off most people i tend to get attracted too.) 3) likes me.
Oh and for the record … I am scared of all people I feel an attraction too. Because hey I don’t really like or know them. : )
I’ve been Stupidly idealising in the way I’ve wanted to smack other girls for doing. Yeah… guys are not meant to fill so much emotional need. Girls think they’ll make everything better. Bull crap. In reality it isn’t as beautiful as a daydream. It takes work and cooperation and (of course) it involves unintentally pissing eachother off.
Oh and did you know that stronger personalities can follow weaker ones… hmmm…. Now that certainly is a happy realization. I guess it really is all a matter of respect and… even love maybe.
As well as thinking about how I want to raise my kids. I’m fifteen. I have quiet a while… so I shoudn’t be thinking of that. I want no more than four. Yeah fifteen year olds so know what they want in life… well maybe I do. I know i don’t know jack… but I belive I do know some things. As much as any adult does.
I have A long wait to finding eternity. And yet it’s not if it’s when.
